Smart Girls, Safe Choices
Sex Education

Thinking about sex

Deciding whether to have sex is one of the most personal choices you'll ever make. There's no right timeline, no age that automatically makes you ready, and no one else who gets to decide for you. This guide is here to help you think it through — honestly and without pressure.

Questions to ask yourself first

Before anything else, sit with these questions. There are no right or wrong answers — they're just a way to check in with yourself. If you find yourself hesitating on several of them, that's worth paying attention to.

1

Do I actually want this, or do I feel like I should?

There's a difference between genuinely wanting something and feeling like it's expected of you. If your honest answer is "I feel like I'm supposed to" — that's pressure, not readiness.

2

Would I be comfortable telling my partner what I want and don't want?

Sex requires communication. If you'd feel too embarrassed or scared to say "I don't want to do that" or "slow down" — you may not be in the right place with this person yet.

3

Am I okay with how I might feel afterward?

Sex can bring up a lot of emotions — closeness, vulnerability, sometimes regret. Think about how you'd feel the next day, the next week. Not to scare yourself, but to be honest with yourself.

4

Do I trust this person?

Trust isn't just about whether they'll tell people. It's about whether they'll respect your boundaries, listen when you say no, and care about your experience — not just their own.

5

Am I doing this because I want to, or because I'm afraid of losing them?

Fear of losing someone is not a reason to have sex. A partner who would leave you for not having sex isn't someone who respects you.

6

Have we talked about protection?

If you haven't had a conversation about birth control and STD prevention yet, you're not fully prepared. That conversation needs to happen before, not during.

How to know if you're ready

Readiness isn't a feeling that suddenly clicks into place. It's more like a combination of factors — emotional, relational, and practical — that all need to line up. Here's what genuine readiness tends to look like.

Signs you may be ready

You want it for yourself

Not to make someone happy, not to keep up with friends, not because you've been together a certain amount of time. The decision feels like yours.

You feel safe with this person

You can be honest with them. You're not afraid of how they'll react if you change your mind. You know they'll stop if you ask them to.

You've thought about the emotional side

Sex can change how a relationship feels. You've thought about that — not just the physical part — and you feel okay with it.

You're not under pressure

No one is pushing, guilting, or wearing you down. You haven't been told "if you loved me you would." The decision feels calm, not anxious.

You've talked about protection

You've had a real conversation about birth control and STD prevention. You have a plan, not just a hope.

You could handle it if things changed

Relationships don't always last. You've thought about how you'd feel if this person wasn't in your life afterward — and you're okay with that possibility.

Signs you might not be ready yet

  • You feel nervous in a way that doesn't feel like excitement — more like dread or anxiety
  • You're doing it to keep someone interested or avoid a fight
  • You haven't talked about protection and don't feel comfortable bringing it up
  • You'd feel embarrassed or ashamed if certain people found out
  • You keep putting off the decision because something feels off
  • You're not sure you actually want to — you're just going along with it

Practical preparation

Emotional readiness matters — and so does being practically prepared. These two things go together. If you're not ready to handle the practical side, that's a sign you may need more time.

Birth control

No birth control method is 100% effective, but using one consistently and correctly makes a huge difference. The best method is the one you'll actually use.

  • Condoms are the only method that also protects against STDs — use them even if you're on another method
  • The pill, patch, ring, shot, implant, and IUD are all highly effective when used correctly
  • Emergency contraception (like Plan B) is a backup, not a primary method — have a plan before you need it
  • You can get birth control confidentially through Planned Parenthood, Title X clinics, and many school health centers

STD prevention and testing

STDs are common, often have no symptoms, and can be passed on without either person knowing. Protection and regular testing are both part of taking care of yourself.

  • Use a condom or dental dam every time — they significantly reduce the risk of most STDs
  • Get tested before having sex with a new partner — and ask them to do the same
  • Many STDs are curable; most are treatable — getting tested is not something to be ashamed of
  • The HPV vaccine protects against the most common STD — if you haven't gotten it, talk to a doctor

Talking to a partner

A conversation before sex — not during — is part of being prepared. If you can't have this conversation with someone, that tells you something important.

  • Talk about what you're both comfortable with and what you're not
  • Discuss birth control and STD protection before the moment arrives
  • Make sure you both know that either person can change their mind at any point
  • Check in with each other during — "is this okay?" is always appropriate

Common questions

Real answers, no judgment.

Learn about birth control

Compare all your options — the pill, IUD, implant, condoms, and more — so you can make the right choice for you.

Explore birth control

Understand consent

Consent is the foundation of every sexual experience. Know what it looks like, how to give it, and how to ask for it.

Understanding consent